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Beware Montreal: Something Happened To Someone Somewhere, Most Likely

It Could Still Be Happening Somewhere, Chances Are

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“Usually, when something dangerous or unusual happens within the city, police are able to shut it down pretty quickly. This helps limit any worry or fear Montrealers might have when venturing outside alone, especially during the darker hours of the day.”

-Sarah Lombardo

USUALLY, yes. But rumors have come to our screens that something may have happened and this time — police may not have any updates on the case… of the thing… that happened.

Apparently, the thing would have happened to someone, inside some area. It would have been very terrifying and we were very worried when we heard of the possibility of this thing happening, maybe.

We’re not trying to be pointless alarmist fucks, or anything. Wouldn’t you be worried if this happened to you? Or even a friend you have on Facebook? Share this journalistic article with a “feeling worried” and a worried emoji to describe your worry. Carry a knife at all times, trust nobody and never EVER sleep. Oh and buy poutine at La Belle Province. It’s on special this week.
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Montreal Decided To Open 99 Red Balloons Themed Biermarkt We Think

So we were on the Google internet

And we saw an image and we found after a deep investigation that Ho-Mama district (a.k.a. Hochelaga-Maisonneuve) himself has accepted Mother Montreal’s offer of opening a 99 Red Balloons themed Biermarkt!

Biermarkt is German for “a place that has beer and other things too”, so we are very excited. No confirmations on who will be the big names of the craft-beer world available at the place, but Chad says he thinks he remembers one but not for sure. One thing for sure though — there WILL be balloons!

Make sure to check this place in the near future! BRA 99 Biermarkt is located somewhere close to Pie IX Daily Metro Station.

We’ll call BRA 99 eventually to make sure this information is true. In the meantime, suck it.

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Montreal Decided To Open A New Game Of Thrones Themed Bar Or Some Shit

That’s right!

Somewhere, in Montreal, Montreal has taken the decision herself to open a Game Of Thrones themed bar or something! We have seen pictures, and we may or may not have seen a sword somewhere. Oh, and a flag. There was definitely a flag. That means GoT my dudes (and girls too)!!!!!

Fuck yeah.

Fact-checking to be done later this month.

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Montreal Opens First-Ever Curry Bar For Real This Time

Montreal is quite the entrapranoor, nowadays! We’ve witnessed a quite impressive amount of bars, restaurants and stores OFFICIALLY opened by Montreal herself! How inspiring!

Now it’s Hochelaga‘s turn to have a taste of Montreal’s great ideas. Located on Ontario Street, in the heart of the heart-warming district also dubbed as “HOMAMA“, Boustan has officially opened its doors for the whole world to have a taste of the FIRST-EVER Indian-Curry-Themed experience! Yummy!

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Yummy yummy rollin’ tummy! Photo source: Boustan

Get your chopsticks ready, my bros (and also girls)! Indian-Curry-Themed restaurants are known to be spicy, or something! We don’t know. It’s not like we checked. Leave us the fuck alone! We took the info off Google Reviews! We usually require people to sign legal papers for sole proprietorship of their kidneys for us to make such a nice article! People by the GADJILLIONS click on our links. Eat shit, poors!

The Best Pokemon Go Locations To Find Rare Pokemon In MTL

THE HYPE IS REAL, BAE!

Pokemon is all the rage, right now! With kids ranging from 30 to 45 years old, EVERYONE seems to be playing Pokemon Go on their cellphones (sorry Olds, You can’t play with your flip-phones LOL)!

But now everyone is wondering — WHERE DO I CATCH THE RARE POKEMONS?!? Well, the wait is over. We asked EVERYONE we know at La Belle Province, and we now have the COMPLETE list of the sweet, sweet spots to find your own Mewtwo! Here’s the full map with the list below!

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1. La Belle Province

1604, Avenue de Mont Royal East

What you can find: Great poutine at an affordable price (great for munchies when you’re a student! Say hi to Manny, he’s real nice), Pidgey, Rattata, Squirtle.

 

2. La Belle Province

3608, Saint Laurent

What you can find: Great poutine at an affordable price (a true classic! who’s hungry???), Pidgey, Rattata and maybe Meowth.

 

3. La Belle Provence

1, Sainte Catherine W

What you can find: Did someone say steam-dogs?? YUM! Affordable price! Also; Pidgey, Pidgeotto, Pigeon.

 

4. La Belle Province

1356, Jarry E

What you can find: Great poutine and steam-dog combo! If you say hi to Manny, he might take a few bucks off the price! NICE! Thanks Manny! Also; Pidgey, Rattata, Meowth, Seel, Fishy and Flowerhead.

 

5. La Belle Province

3001, Notre-Dame West

What you can find: Manny, Poutine, Pidgey, Drowsey, Machop

 

6. La Belle Provence

4579, Wellington

What you can find: Rattata, Pidgey, Meowth, Eevee. Secret cheat-tip: You can find ANY Pokemon there if you say hi to Manny twice and order poutine for all your friends. Did I hear “poutine”? YUM!

 

7. La Belle Province

6752, rue Sainte-Jacques

What you can find: Mankey, Rattata, Egghead, lots of Muk, Psyduck Poutine, Coderre, Steam-dogmon

 

8. La Belle Province

1216, Peel

What you can find: Great poutine at an affordable price (great for munchies when you’re a student! Say hi to Manny, he’s real nice), Pidgey, Manny, Rattata, Squirtle, Manny, Steve, Diglet, Manny, Ghastly, MEWTWO!!!!, Pidgey, Manny2.

STM security officers execute Gagnam Style Flashmob at Berri-UQAM station

STM security officers attempted showing the people of MTL they know how to get down and have fun, this morning at the Berri-UQAM metro station.

Image source: the author

Image source: the author

The performance lasted a few seconds until the leading woman-officer (third from left) realised she was left to dance by herself. One of the security officers then turned off the portable radio they had brought and the group scattered. I got the chance to speak with one of them: “Josée wanted us to try and show everyone that we’re human too, that we like art and that we can be fun. She had this idea to use that new internet-thing (Flashmobs)” says STM Security employee, Simon Lachance. “We were all pumped up, but as soon as the music started, we had no idea what to do. We had never tried to dance in our lives”.

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