Beware Montreal: Something Happened To Someone Somewhere, Most Likely

It Could Still Be Happening Somewhere, Chances Are


“Usually, when something dangerous or unusual happens within the city, police are able to shut it down pretty quickly. This helps limit any worry or fear Montrealers might have when venturing outside alone, especially during the darker hours of the day.”

-Sarah Lombardo

USUALLY, yes. But rumors have come to our screens that something may have happened and this time — police may not have any updates on the case… of the thing… that happened.

Apparently, the thing would have happened to someone, inside some area. It would have been very terrifying and we were very worried when we heard of the possibility of this thing happening, maybe.

We’re not trying to be pointless alarmist fucks, or anything. Wouldn’t you be worried if this happened to you? Or even a friend you have on Facebook? Share this journalistic article with a “feeling worried” and a worried emoji to describe your worry. Carry a knife at all times, trust nobody and never EVER sleep. Oh and buy poutine at La Belle Province. It’s on special this week.


Montreal Opens First-Ever Curry Bar For Real This Time

Montreal is quite the entrapranoor, nowadays! We’ve witnessed a quite impressive amount of bars, restaurants and stores OFFICIALLY opened by Montreal herself! How inspiring!

Now it’s Hochelaga‘s turn to have a taste of Montreal’s great ideas. Located on Ontario Street, in the heart of the heart-warming district also dubbed as “HOMAMA“, Boustan has officially opened its doors for the whole world to have a taste of the FIRST-EVER Indian-Curry-Themed experience! Yummy!


Yummy yummy rollin’ tummy! Photo source: Boustan

Get your chopsticks ready, my bros (and also girls)! Indian-Curry-Themed restaurants are known to be spicy, or something! We don’t know. It’s not like we checked. Leave us the fuck alone! We took the info off Google Reviews! We usually require people to sign legal papers for sole proprietorship of their kidneys for us to make such a nice article! People by the GADJILLIONS click on our links. Eat shit, poors!


You’ve all been forced to the new app for Facebook Messenger. It looks great and the chat bubbles appearing on your screen at any time is really useful. Great, right?

Think again. You might recall, installing this app requires you to allow that Facebook Messenger gets access to your camera and contact list! WTF!?!

Clearly, we’ve all been had. Now, Facebook will be able to see which hot intern you most frequently jerk off to (THEY CAN SEE THROUGH YOUR CAMERAS!!!) or the messages you send to get anonymous handjobs from Craigslist. At Sooo MTL, we’re pretty important figures of MTL so we’re CLEARLY being spied on even more than you and that scares the Baejesus out of us. Illuminati is closing in on us, our privates’ lives are being stalked and we can’t do a damn thing about it. Or can we? We don’t know, honestly. What should we do??? SO NOT MTL.

Source: St?phou's new celly

Source: St?phou’s new celly