Aparanly It Snoe

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Lot of snoeflak

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Ayayayayy

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XD

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Beware Montreal: Something Happened To Someone Somewhere, Most Likely

It Could Still Be Happening Somewhere, Chances Are

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“Usually, when something dangerous or unusual happens within the city, police are able to shut it down pretty quickly. This helps limit any worry or fear Montrealers might have when venturing outside alone, especially during the darker hours of the day.”

-Sarah Lombardo

USUALLY, yes. But rumors have come to our screens that something may have happened and this time — police may not have any updates on the case… of the thing… that happened.

Apparently, the thing would have happened to someone, inside some area. It would have been very terrifying and we were very worried when we heard of the possibility of this thing happening, maybe.

We’re not trying to be pointless alarmist fucks, or anything. Wouldn’t you be worried if this happened to you? Or even a friend you have on Facebook? Share this journalistic article with a “feeling worried” and a worried emoji to describe your worry. Carry a knife at all times, trust nobody and never EVER sleep. Oh and buy poutine at La Belle Province. It’s on special this week.
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Montreal Decided To Open 99 Red Balloons Themed Biermarkt We Think

So we were on the Google internet

And we saw an image and we found after a deep investigation that Ho-Mama district (a.k.a. Hochelaga-Maisonneuve) himself has accepted Mother Montreal’s offer of opening a 99 Red Balloons themed Biermarkt!

Biermarkt is German for “a place that has beer and other things too”, so we are very excited. No confirmations on who will be the big names of the craft-beer world available at the place, but Chad says he thinks he remembers one but not for sure. One thing for sure though — there WILL be balloons!

Make sure to check this place in the near future! BRA 99 Biermarkt is located somewhere close to Pie IX Daily Metro Station.

We’ll call BRA 99 eventually to make sure this information is true. In the meantime, suck it.

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Montreal Decided To Open A New Game Of Thrones Themed Bar Or Some Shit

That’s right!

Somewhere, in Montreal, Montreal has taken the decision herself to open a Game Of Thrones themed bar or something! We have seen pictures, and we may or may not have seen a sword somewhere. Oh, and a flag. There was definitely a flag. That means GoT my dudes (and girls too)!!!!!

Fuck yeah.

Fact-checking to be done later this month.

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Montreal Opens First-Ever Curry Bar For Real This Time

Montreal is quite the entrapranoor, nowadays! We’ve witnessed a quite impressive amount of bars, restaurants and stores OFFICIALLY opened by Montreal herself! How inspiring!

Now it’s Hochelaga‘s turn to have a taste of Montreal’s great ideas. Located on Ontario Street, in the heart of the heart-warming district also dubbed as “HOMAMA“, Boustan has officially opened its doors for the whole world to have a taste of the FIRST-EVER Indian-Curry-Themed experience! Yummy!

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Yummy yummy rollin’ tummy! Photo source: Boustan

Get your chopsticks ready, my bros (and also girls)! Indian-Curry-Themed restaurants are known to be spicy, or something! We don’t know. It’s not like we checked. Leave us the fuck alone! We took the info off Google Reviews! We usually require people to sign legal papers for sole proprietorship of their kidneys for us to make such a nice article! People by the GADJILLIONS click on our links. Eat shit, poors!

The 9 Kinds Of MTL Girls You Meet In MTL

Have you ever been to the SAQ? It’s great! They stock all kinds of wine and liquor from all over the world at bargain prices. They have literally everything you can imagine of. They are open all the time with convenient schedules as long as you need booze before 6 p.m. most days. Visit your local SAQ now – who knows, they might have amazing promotions like 5% off a purchase of $275 or more. It’s great. Go buy alcohol.

Anyway here’s a list about girls.

(Source: wikihow.com)

(Source: wikihow.com)

1. The Hipster

She wears pants and hats and listens to music. Probably she is vegan aswell. This is by far the most common type of girl found in MTL – we do not understand them but they are OK to hook up with once in a while as long as they don’t talk about pants or hats or music. Like most MTL girls they are easy like Lionel Ritchie.

(Source: movpins.com)

(Source: movpins.com)

2. The fatty

Ugh. Gross. So much this. So much nope. Epic fail. Do not want. The struggle is real. Stop eating the poutines and bacon-stuffed mayonnaise donut BBQ sandwiches we promote every day, you gross fatty fatterson. Try a salad LOL.

(Source: tumblr)

(Source: tumblr)

3. The thuggette

She clubs a lot and listens to Drake. She thinks she is real hard but she is not. Sometimes she has grills or tats. While this kind of girl is good to have pictures of when you run a successful arts and culture website, it is not good to hang out with them. Turn down for nope.

(Source: stupiddope.com)

(Source: stupiddope.com)

4. The bookworm

She loves books so much, she will sometimes try to talk to you about books or even get you to read books. She even buys books and keeps them. LOL, only in MTL.

(Source: fillessourire.com)

(Source: fillessourire.com)

5. The drunk girl

She probably lives in the McGill ghetto. She is always throwing up or wtv or knocking on your door because she’s locked out of her house. Again, so much epic nope in a big way.

(Source: people.com)

(Source: people.com)

6. The douchette

If you do not knwo what this means, it means that you are a douchebag or probably dating one. LOL. Hope you enjoy it.

(Source: telegraph.co.uk)

(Source: telegraph.co.uk)

7. The spinster

This girl finished university at least one year ago and stuck around. She is desperate AF and hanging out in old person place like Else’s or Casa. Avoid at all costs unless you have a thing for MILFS or want to hear about the way it used to be in MTL (yuk).

(Source: blogspot.com)

(Source: blogspot.com)

8. The French girl

She’s all like ‘esti coliss’ and eating baguettes and cheese. Usually found in places you wouldn’t go anyway, but sometimes they’re sneaky as fuck and sign up for classes in real universities. Voulé vous couchez avec moi ce soire, indeed.

(Source: education-portal.com)

(Source: education-portal.com)

9. The unpaid intern

She is usually pretty great, has cool taste in things and is easily pliable. She will even write horseshit nonsense with scandalous titles because you asked her to. She’s an invaluable part of the team, and well worth her weight in exposure dollars.