Montreal Decided To Open 99 Red Balloons Themed Biermarkt We Think

So we were on the Google internet

And we saw an image and we found after a deep investigation that Ho-Mama district (a.k.a. Hochelaga-Maisonneuve) himself has accepted Mother Montreal’s offer of opening a 99 Red Balloons themed Biermarkt!

Biermarkt is German for “a place that has beer and other things too”, so we are very excited. No confirmations on who will be the big names of the craft-beer world available at the place, but Chad says he thinks he remembers one but not for sure. One thing for sure though — there WILL be balloons!

Make sure to check this place in the near future! BRA 99 Biermarkt is located somewhere close to Pie IX Daily Metro Station.

We’ll call BRA 99 eventually to make sure this information is true. In the meantime, suck it.

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Montreal Opens First-Ever Curry Bar For Real This Time

Montreal is quite the entrapranoor, nowadays! We’ve witnessed a quite impressive amount of bars, restaurants and stores OFFICIALLY opened by Montreal herself! How inspiring!

Now it’s Hochelaga‘s turn to have a taste of Montreal’s great ideas. Located on Ontario Street, in the heart of the heart-warming district also dubbed as “HOMAMA“, Boustan has officially opened its doors for the whole world to have a taste of the FIRST-EVER Indian-Curry-Themed experience! Yummy!

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Yummy yummy rollin’ tummy! Photo source: Boustan

Get your chopsticks ready, my bros (and also girls)! Indian-Curry-Themed restaurants are known to be spicy, or something! We don’t know. It’s not like we checked. Leave us the fuck alone! We took the info off Google Reviews! We usually require people to sign legal papers for┬ásole proprietorship of their kidneys for us to make such a nice article! People by the GADJILLIONS click on our links. Eat shit, poors!

Studies Show That Good Looking Outgoing People With Good Hygiene Have More Sex

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(Source: my friend snapchatted it to me)

A super interesting study has just been released by the Institute of Studies About Sexy People that studied the habits of sexy people who have sex with each other and sometimes jerk it if it’s been too long. According to this study:

– 100% of people claim to prefer to have sex with someone they find attractive

-96% of people answered that they were very likely to put a genitals in their mouth if it belonged to a person who showers regularly

– 89% of women answers that they prefer the taste of bacon to penis but also said that penis wasn’t that bad compared to like a mouthful of mud

– 81% of people answered that they were more likely to have sex with someone who walked up to them and chatted instead of someone they will never meet, see or speak to

– Only 7% of people said that they enjoy having sex with bad breaths

– 0% of the people that who answered this survey were from Montreal

Bar Brutus