Montreal Decided To Open 99 Red Balloons Themed Biermarkt We Think

So we were on the Google internet

And we saw an image and we found after a deep investigation that Ho-Mama district (a.k.a. Hochelaga-Maisonneuve) himself has accepted Mother Montreal’s offer of opening a 99 Red Balloons themed Biermarkt!

Biermarkt is German for “a place that has beer and other things too”, so we are very excited. No confirmations on who will be the big names of the craft-beer world available at the place, but Chad says he thinks he remembers one but not for sure. One thing for sure though — there WILL be balloons!

Make sure to check this place in the near future! BRA 99 Biermarkt is located somewhere close to Pie IX Daily Metro Station.

We’ll call BRA 99 eventually to make sure this information is true. In the meantime, suck it.

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Montreal Decided To Open A New Game Of Thrones Themed Bar Or Some Shit

That’s right!

Somewhere, in Montreal, Montreal has taken the decision herself to open a Game Of Thrones themed bar or something! We have seen pictures, and we may or may not have seen a sword somewhere. Oh, and a flag. There was definitely a flag. That means GoT my dudes (and girls too)!!!!!

Fuck yeah.

Fact-checking to be done later this month.

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Montreal Opens First-Ever Curry Bar For Real This Time

Montreal is quite the entrapranoor, nowadays! We’ve witnessed a quite impressive amount of bars, restaurants and stores OFFICIALLY opened by Montreal herself! How inspiring!

Now it’s Hochelaga‘s turn to have a taste of Montreal’s great ideas. Located on Ontario Street, in the heart of the heart-warming district also dubbed as “HOMAMA“, Boustan has officially opened its doors for the whole world to have a taste of the FIRST-EVER Indian-Curry-Themed experience! Yummy!

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Yummy yummy rollin’ tummy! Photo source: Boustan

Get your chopsticks ready, my bros (and also girls)! Indian-Curry-Themed restaurants are known to be spicy, or something! We don’t know. It’s not like we checked. Leave us the fuck alone! We took the info off Google Reviews! We usually require people to sign legal papers for sole proprietorship of their kidneys for us to make such a nice article! People by the GADJILLIONS click on our links. Eat shit, poors!

Montreal Man Finds Creative Way To Skip In Line At Restaurants And Posts It On Facebook

Yesterday, some of our staff at SoooMTL noticed a rather fun and creative Facebook status from a user named Peter Manirath.

Apparently, Peter found a harmless lifehack to skip endless lineups at restaurants. Peter bragged about how he went into Petinos in Laval, and pretended that he was a food blogger who worked for MTLBlog in order to get special VIP treatment.

My boi!

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Photo from Pete’s FB

Of course, we never heard of Petsos and we’ve never featured them several times on our “Best Of” lists, so it’s understandable that the staff there would expect us to show up every once in a while.

And as much as I want to give this guy points for being creative, I totally will, because this guy is the tits! It’s not MTLBlog that got scammed, in fact, no one did. Plus, Peter admitted he only did it to skip the line, which means he lifehacked like a BOSS.

So here are two sweet-ass templates to simply add your picture and pretend you’re part of SoooMTL and skip any line-up you want! You can do it with ANY BLOG too! AAANY BLOG (please note that we’re not saying you SHOULD, we don’t encourage it, but you toootally could).

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Now go out there and have some fun!

Montreal’s Journal de Montreal To Close In Montreal Due To Pressure From So-Called “Jokesters”

 

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BREAKING NEWS: In a Facebook post earlier today, the prestigious Journal de Montréal run by the respectable content generator Quebecoir Media has opted to close, citing work by an undisclosed parodical satirical publication has confused them their readership too much.

Indeed, in the post publicated in French only on their Facebook page, the Journal de Montréal has announced that despite the fact that they are worth 4 billion dollars, the costs necessary to fight off this unfunny parodist full of fake AF news that have no chill are too much for the respectable conglomerate from which everyone could stand to use a few lessons from.

Thankfully, we at SoooMTL are still around. We are resisting the oppressors and their “so-called jokes” which go against our goal of content generation for the 14-to-25 generational section of content enjoyers. Look for the SoooMTL logo on all publications to ensure that you are getting the highest content of content possible: we guarantee it.

The Best Pokemon Go Locations To Find Rare Pokemon In MTL

THE HYPE IS REAL, BAE!

Pokemon is all the rage, right now! With kids ranging from 30 to 45 years old, EVERYONE seems to be playing Pokemon Go on their cellphones (sorry Olds, You can’t play with your flip-phones LOL)!

But now everyone is wondering — WHERE DO I CATCH THE RARE POKEMONS?!? Well, the wait is over. We asked EVERYONE we know at La Belle Province, and we now have the COMPLETE list of the sweet, sweet spots to find your own Mewtwo! Here’s the full map with the list below!

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1. La Belle Province

1604, Avenue de Mont Royal East

What you can find: Great poutine at an affordable price (great for munchies when you’re a student! Say hi to Manny, he’s real nice), Pidgey, Rattata, Squirtle.

 

2. La Belle Province

3608, Saint Laurent

What you can find: Great poutine at an affordable price (a true classic! who’s hungry???), Pidgey, Rattata and maybe Meowth.

 

3. La Belle Provence

1, Sainte Catherine W

What you can find: Did someone say steam-dogs?? YUM! Affordable price! Also; Pidgey, Pidgeotto, Pigeon.

 

4. La Belle Province

1356, Jarry E

What you can find: Great poutine and steam-dog combo! If you say hi to Manny, he might take a few bucks off the price! NICE! Thanks Manny! Also; Pidgey, Rattata, Meowth, Seel, Fishy and Flowerhead.

 

5. La Belle Province

3001, Notre-Dame West

What you can find: Manny, Poutine, Pidgey, Drowsey, Machop

 

6. La Belle Provence

4579, Wellington

What you can find: Rattata, Pidgey, Meowth, Eevee. Secret cheat-tip: You can find ANY Pokemon there if you say hi to Manny twice and order poutine for all your friends. Did I hear “poutine”? YUM!

 

7. La Belle Province

6752, rue Sainte-Jacques

What you can find: Mankey, Rattata, Egghead, lots of Muk, Psyduck Poutine, Coderre, Steam-dogmon

 

8. La Belle Province

1216, Peel

What you can find: Great poutine at an affordable price (great for munchies when you’re a student! Say hi to Manny, he’s real nice), Pidgey, Manny, Rattata, Squirtle, Manny, Steve, Diglet, Manny, Ghastly, MEWTWO!!!!, Pidgey, Manny2.

MTL’s Probably Hottest Spot To Sit In Is Back With A Solid Bang

I don’t know if you guys remember… but last year, Mile End was graced by the presence of a SUPER COOL SPOT to sit in.

Well, it’s BACK! OMG! And it’s got this AWESOME new location: right on the corner of St-Viateur and De Gaspé! Either if you’re into watching a big vinyl sticker of a woman laying on a pillow, or maybe if you’re more into truck-watching, this spot is for you! Since industrial music is making a come-back, you’ll wet your neeners at the sweet banging of trucks hitting pot-holes that’s even more intense than dat bassdrop you’re always craving! OOMF!

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Conveniently located right next to the 46’s bus stop and the Champ Dae Possible (aka CDP in Mile End), this awesome terasse is sure to please everyone!

No smoking or drinking allowed.