Te Rest Of Me Going Be Disgusteng An Rany In Monreal

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140623875 © Jerome Cid | Dreamstime.com

Today is rane an col wedder will keep going for Me. De rest of Me gray, rane, sad.

Hopes for nex weak because wedder netwark predic 32 mondae. Predic rane an col for wedder nex many dae.

Bad new for ale were lookeng to sumar like becik, voleybale, sangria an terase.

Is going to rane tru weak.

Wedder forecase:

Sans titre

Unfortunate.

Sai. Godbai.

Good source for wedder forecase ere! Like ane folow! An SHAYR

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Beware Montreal: Something Happened To Someone Somewhere, Most Likely

It Could Still Be Happening Somewhere, Chances Are

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“Usually, when something dangerous or unusual happens within the city, police are able to shut it down pretty quickly. This helps limit any worry or fear Montrealers might have when venturing outside alone, especially during the darker hours of the day.”

-Sarah Lombardo

USUALLY, yes. But rumors have come to our screens that something may have happened and this time — police may not have any updates on the case… of the thing… that happened.

Apparently, the thing would have happened to someone, inside some area. It would have been very terrifying and we were very worried when we heard of the possibility of this thing happening, maybe.

We’re not trying to be pointless alarmist fucks, or anything. Wouldn’t you be worried if this happened to you? Or even a friend you have on Facebook? Share this journalistic article with a “feeling worried” and a worried emoji to describe your worry. Carry a knife at all times, trust nobody and never EVER sleep. Oh and buy poutine at La Belle Province. It’s on special this week.
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Montreal Decided To Open 99 Red Balloons Themed Biermarkt We Think

So we were on the Google internet

And we saw an image and we found after a deep investigation that Ho-Mama district (a.k.a. Hochelaga-Maisonneuve) himself has accepted Mother Montreal’s offer of opening a 99 Red Balloons themed Biermarkt!

Biermarkt is German for “a place that has beer and other things too”, so we are very excited. No confirmations on who will be the big names of the craft-beer world available at the place, but Chad says he thinks he remembers one but not for sure. One thing for sure though — there WILL be balloons!

Make sure to check this place in the near future! BRA 99 Biermarkt is located somewhere close to Pie IX Daily Metro Station.

We’ll call BRA 99 eventually to make sure this information is true. In the meantime, suck it.

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Montreal Decided To Open A New Game Of Thrones Themed Bar Or Some Shit

That’s right!

Somewhere, in Montreal, Montreal has taken the decision herself to open a Game Of Thrones themed bar or something! We have seen pictures, and we may or may not have seen a sword somewhere. Oh, and a flag. There was definitely a flag. That means GoT my dudes (and girls too)!!!!!

Fuck yeah.

Fact-checking to be done later this month.

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Montreal Opens First-Ever Curry Bar For Real This Time

Montreal is quite the entrapranoor, nowadays! We’ve witnessed a quite impressive amount of bars, restaurants and stores OFFICIALLY opened by Montreal herself! How inspiring!

Now it’s Hochelaga‘s turn to have a taste of Montreal’s great ideas. Located on Ontario Street, in the heart of the heart-warming district also dubbed as “HOMAMA“, Boustan has officially opened its doors for the whole world to have a taste of the FIRST-EVER Indian-Curry-Themed experience! Yummy!

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Yummy yummy rollin’ tummy! Photo source: Boustan

Get your chopsticks ready, my bros (and also girls)! Indian-Curry-Themed restaurants are known to be spicy, or something! We don’t know. It’s not like we checked. Leave us the fuck alone! We took the info off Google Reviews! We usually require people to sign legal papers for sole proprietorship of their kidneys for us to make such a nice article! People by the GADJILLIONS click on our links. Eat shit, poors!

Top Six Things We Found In The Garbage In The Park By Our Office On Lunch Break

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It has been brought to our attention from the powers that be that we haven’t really done anything at the office in two weeks. It is difficult to explain what we do here at Sooo MTL as it involves having a lot of swag and people who don’t have so much swag do not understand (also I thought part of working for yourself involved choosing not to to work, but whatevz); however, we decided to comply and used our lunch break to talk about what we know best: literal garbage.

6. An Empty Bottle of Hawaiian Punch

(Source: flickr)

(Source: flickr)

We don’t know what the fuck this is. However, Hawaii is a very chill place to live, much like MTL, so we have to assume this is pretty good and/or chill.

5. A Bag Of Dog Poo

(Source: dreamstime.com)

(Source: dreamstime.com)

Dogs are very MTL. Our very own Chad has a brown dog named Tyler Durden that has proven very popular at getting swipes on Tinder. The problem is that dogs eat food (not poutine, usually) which causes shit which causes a potential smear factor on your brand new kicks. Thankfully this MTL put his dog’s shit in a bag and threw it out. Very MTL of you, sir/madam.

4. An Old Subway Wrapper

(source: Google)

(source: Google)

SUBWAY® is the undisputed leader in providing consumers with choices, including many healthier meal options. View our menu, see nutritional info, locate …

3. An Empty Pack of Smokes

(Source: passionforpot.com)

(Source: passionforpot.com)

Here at Sooo MTL, we LIVE for our smoke breaks. They are a good way to unwind, shoot the shit with our buds, take five to go home and jerk it, avoid our responsabilities, deflect blame and also check our phones. Sooo MTL gives this empty pack of smokes 5 MTLs out of 5.

2. A Soaking Wet Copy of CULT MTL

(Source: thesuitedelight.com)

(Source: thesuitedelight.com)

This one is going to be needing a bit of explaining. If you know any older people, it is possible that they have told you about the Mirror. Besides being a think in which to ensure maximum swag bawss attitude in the morning and blow kisses at your haters, it was once a thing called a free weekly, years before we came on the scene and revolutionized the nightlife world of Montreal. All of the old people who read it died away and it went away.

The old people came to their senses, and they started a website, but in the sake of nostalgic, they sometimes ‘print’ the paper version. You will sometimes find it in garbages and also out of garbages. It is, in a way, Sooo MTL.

1. A Piece Of Pizza Crust

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(Source: ilxor.com)

Mostly we’re about the poutine in MTL, but sometimes we’re also about the slices of pizza that can be found upon Boul. St-Laurent. Obviously this person was also about those slices, since they gobbled ’em right up! Gobble gooble, MTL!