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Our Top-Ten Favorite Apartments Currently Available For Rent In Montreal For Budgets Around 500 and 600$
Massive Orgy Planned In Mt Royal Park On June 22nd Now That COVID-19 Is Seemingly Gone, Apparently
We haven’t checked out the news for a couple months now, but Chad came to us on our Zoom conference call with GREAT news today: “Massive orgy planned in Mt Royal Park on June 22nd now that COVID-19 is seemingly gone, apparently”.
We thought this was only a rumor at first, but BARS are reopening, so it HAS to be true. We’ve also noticed people are now sneezing freely in buses packed with people that are not wearing any masks or anything, so it HAS to mean COVID-19 is gone. Right?
No need for condoms, COVID-19 is gone! This bring your own booze/weed event will also feature video screenings of people kissing each other on the cheeks like back we used to do on March 12th to heat things up.
LOL Events Planning Fyre Fest-Themed Party In Verdun Beach
After the monstrous success of the Harry Potter-themed party last weekend at the Rialto Theatre, LOL Events has teased another massive party for MTL!!
Since we’re the most reliable info source MTL can get, we had the privilege of getting a few names that were booked on the line-up:
- Loud
- Snoopy the Dog
- Arcade Fyre
- DJ Khaled
- Tekashi 6ix9ine
- David Bowie
- The women in Grey’s Anatomy
- Richard Harris (for a stand-up comedy set)
- Murphy Cooper VS Beaver Shepard free-for-all match in the octagon
- The leftover chopsticks from the Harry Potter-themed party
- Many more to come!
We’re saving up for the premium packages! Pre-sales date TBA
“Opening Soon” Mile End Restaurant Is Now Ready To Open And Fall Out Of Business In Two Weeks
Things are heating up in the Mile End and in a good way! Yes! The things that are heating are meals! Food? Yum!
Located at 75 St-Viateur, in the heart of the Mile End district, Cantine Emilia has almost finished prepping the opening of it’s brand new restaurant and will very soon be ready to open up and fall out of business two weeks later!
Following last year’s successes of the previous 13 restaurants that made their home in this typically-Mile-End building, there will for sure be a lot of good cookery going on!
We tried to get a word from the person who seemed to be the owner of this new restaurant and who was on site as we walked by, but his long gray hair and levitating body quickly hid behind curtains when he saw us. The only words that we could get from were “It is alost finished. ha ha…. HA HA HA! IT IS ALMOST FINISHED!”
Share and like this article of journalism if you love FOOD!
You Can Watch A Bunch Of Horrid Movies Under The Stars For Free In Montreal This Summer
You’ve already heard of a really fucking horrible movie, the movie that takes viewers on a ride through something and ends a sour date on a weird note.
If you have not seen the movie already, I just have one question: why the heck not? It is a popular movie with both audiences and critics, and it has one of the best soundtracks ever.
But if you haven’t had the chance to see a really fucking horrible movie yet, you’re in luck because Avenue du Mont-Royal is hosting a FREE outdoor movie screening complete with free popcorn on Thursdays. Oh no!
Cinéma plein air (Outdoor Cinema) is a weekly event that organises free outdoor movie viewings all summer long. This Thursday, the chosen movie is Bohemian Rhapsody. Murder me.
Along with the movie, visitors to Cinéma plein air will also get free popcorn. All you have to do is bring your own blankets, chairs and will to die watching an endless abomination sitting next to some dude watching his Facebook newsfeed through the entire movie. It’s the perfect way to spend a shitty night outdoors with strangers and go home disappointed!
Te Rest Of Me Going Be Disgusteng An Rany In Monreal
140623875 © Jerome Cid | Dreamstime.com
Today is rane an col wedder will keep going for Me. De rest of Me gray, rane, sad.
Hopes for nex weak because wedder netwark predic 32 mondae. Predic rane an col for wedder nex many dae.
Bad new for ale were lookeng to sumar like becik, voleybale, sangria an terase.
Is going to rane tru weak.
Wedder forecase:
Unfortunate.
Sai. Godbai.
Good source for wedder forecase ere! Like ane folow! An SHAYR
Aparanly It Snoe
Big snow energy
Lot of snoeflak
Ayayayayy
XD
It’s A Slow News Day So What’s Up With Netflix
Netflix Canada is a popular streaming platform on which to stream television and movies. So why are being so jokes?
In a Twitter post titled “https://twitter.com/Netflix_CA/status/1085232347203592192”, Netflix stated:
But why is this funny? Are they trying to be offensive? If so, why? Can anyone explain?
Some may say “They have explained what the joke is” but, if so, do we get it? Certainly not. Seems offensive? What is Netflix?
In this tweet they say this joke is from the show YOU – however MTLBlog does not have a show! Is this an idea of a joke?
And certainly, to make a joke if gay yourself – is that funny? Please explain.
Beware Montreal: Something Happened To Someone Somewhere, Most Likely
It Could Still Be Happening Somewhere, Chances Are
-Sarah Lombardo
USUALLY, yes. But rumors have come to our screens that something may have happened and this time — police may not have any updates on the case… of the thing… that happened.
Apparently, the thing would have happened to someone, inside some area. It would have been very terrifying and we were very worried when we heard of the possibility of this thing happening, maybe.
We’re not trying to be pointless alarmist fucks, or anything. Wouldn’t you be worried if this happened to you? Or even a friend you have on Facebook? Share this journalistic article with a “feeling worried” and a worried emoji to describe your worry. Carry a knife at all times, trust nobody and never EVER sleep. Oh and buy poutine at La Belle Province. It’s on special this week.
Montreal Decided To Open 99 Red Balloons Themed Biermarkt We Think
So we were on the Google internet
And we saw an image and we found after a deep investigation that Ho-Mama district (a.k.a. Hochelaga-Maisonneuve) himself has accepted Mother Montreal’s offer of opening a 99 Red Balloons themed Biermarkt!
Biermarkt is German for “a place that has beer and other things too”, so we are very excited. No confirmations on who will be the big names of the craft-beer world available at the place, but Chad says he thinks he remembers one but not for sure. One thing for sure though — there WILL be balloons!
Make sure to check this place in the near future! BRA 99 Biermarkt is located somewhere close to Pie IX Daily Metro Station.
We’ll call BRA 99 eventually to make sure this information is true. In the meantime, suck it.
SOOO MTL 