This New Spot Might Be MTL’s Hottest Spot To Sit In MTL Right Now

Taking a seat at a hot location is hard to do sometimes. Sitting is something everyone likes to do. Share this article if you agree.

Located in the heart of the Mile-End (also known as Petite-Toronto), on the corner of THE MAIN and Saint-Viatour Streets, this seating spot is not only eco-friendly (it’s made out of a big container for trains) but it is also tasteful and artsy. At SoooMTL, we LOVE the arts!

No drinking or smoking is allowed on this sweet, sweet spot, but it’s a really nice place to take a seat and watch cars, buses and also trucks go by!

Photo cred: Chad’s Canon Rebel

Jacque Parizeau Has Left Us Today At 84 Years Old

Today, we mourn the death of a great, great man.

Jacques Parizeau (French pronunciation: ​[ʒɑk parizo]), owner of La Parize, MTL’s BEST poutine ever, has left us.

Jacques has also invented the concept of banking and he was a pionneer of canadian democracy, the first to allow immigrants to vote through a motion that will always be remembered as “the ethnic vote“.

Rest In Peace, Jack. You were the best.

Last Night’s Drake Show Was So Baws We Don’t Remember Anything

Photo stolen directly on your Instagram.

What happen?

Lol.

Drizzy Drake, ‘m’I right?
Reach for your dreams, you guys.

Maybe This Might Be The Best Place For Eating Ever In A Good Circumferencial Area, Chances Are

Statistically speaking, many restaurants are appropriate for dates, as they provide food, light and staff, mostly. This is probably great for economy!

What a delicious eating!

This food place was established at a certain time, back a while ago, maybe. Located on THE MAIN, they hold a delicious atmosphere for eating, or sitting, also maybe. We presume this. Recently, rumors were amounts of people had noticed this place, so we were curious enough to go and take a peek a their menu, if opportunity arose.

Have a load of this!

It turns out some type of people like it — yum! Others, less. But this place is perfect for people with a certain taste. Types of eaters will also have their appetite fulfilled by the probable variety of appropriate meals, considering their theme. The perfect place for many occasions!

Did somebody say “food”?

MTL’s Very Own 33 Tours Is Having A Blowout Sale!

Do you sometimes dream of being a grandfather? Need that sour smell of death and abandon on your body? Have you never heard of Colisée Du Livre? Good! 33 Tours, MTL’s finest overpricer in wax has kept their collection of James Last all to themselves — UNTIL NOW! It’s the hottest thing happening in Montreal ever since that Nirvana show at Foufs 350 000 people attended!

Source: 33 Tours’ Canon Rebel

Julio Iglesias? Got ’em. Serge Fontane? Got ’em! Need that rare beaten up record Passe-Carreau did? It’s called DanseExercise! danSEEXercise!  Genius! LOL!

You know what I mean!

Get your Tupperware bins ready, because EVERY vinyls are A DOLLAR! WOW (bring vaseline)!

If you just need to relax after shopping for your very-first vinyls, just stay in the room! It’s a great way to be in a sauna for free!

MTL’s Finest Dadbods For Summer 2015

Everybody knows that with great success comes great fat. Gold is high in carbs, so what can you do? Nothing, that chub is the new thing that’s charming all the baes! Beers and bacon for all of you, guys!!!

So you may not know about that #dadbod thing, because we’re really ahead of people. So here’s MTL’s Finest Dadbods For Summer 2015!

5: Denis Coderre

Need a good example of a successful #dadbod for your friends that don’t surf the webs? Look no further. This fine looking sir is a success. Legends say he eats only the best concrete, which would explain the potholes on The Main.

4: Tommy Kruise

Source: Goegle

One look at this man will make any sane girl melt like fries in a poutine grilled-cheese. MTLs hottest “playa”-button-presser. A true success

3: Charles Laplaointe

Source: http://www.therun-in.com

McGill Ghetto’s finest! Check out the dad-shirt! CEO, successful young chap, creative, bearded… He’s got all the perks to please! You’ll never see this guy unaccompanied by a mighty-fine bae with long legs. Rumors are she was a model once, for Simons, and he LOVES rumors.

2: Fredo Le Magicien

Source http://www.culturecantley.ca

This man, I tell ya. Wonder where he gets all his charm? Well, on top of having all this fat (in fact, he might be one of the biggest #dadbods in all of MTL), he is a warlock. Need a tissue? BAM. Before your very eyes, he makes it appear out — of — thin — air.

1: Rémi-Pierre Paquin

Credit: Frederic Faddoul

We literally masturbate to this man’s success daily. He crashed through the screens for his superb performance in Ramdam, as Manolo’s favorite band’s lead-man called Radiodead. Ring any bell? Yeah. This guy thinks outside the box. He’s alternative. He’s indie. He’s in a real band too! Never heard a song but I can garantee you it’s great. This guy even opened up his OWN irish pub in Hochelaga (the irish part of MTL). If you need someone to greasen up your night, you need some RPP.

0: Guy A Lepaidge

Did you think this was over? No. We can go lower! Let us introduce to you the ultimate #normcore #dadbod, Sir Lepaidge. Is that a Pur Noisettier collar? From Bonjour the Police to A Boy/A Girl to Tout Les Monde En Parle, “we” asked Lepaidge to tell us about his best kept secret, how to maintain the perfect dadbod. The proud owner of 3 restaurants who would never set foot in there told “us” it was all about watching people working for him and then bringing wine leftovers to his gorgeous manoir on St-Hubert’s street. The cheese selection is very important with the wine, remember — “the fattest, the greatest”. Eating raw gold ingots is also a great part of how you’ll keep this hot chub solid. Keep on keeping on, greatest CEO ever! We admire your work. Say hi to the police for us!

5 Best Parks To Picnic In MTL

SPRING IS HERE! Spring is SOOOMTL because we have some of the best weather conditions compared to, like, Laurentides, or something.

What’s even better? Oh, you asked for it. Shit be cray: we have almost a BAJILLION parks in Montreal. It’s a fact. We found this info somewhere, on another blog, we think. Trust us. MTL is a great place to put food in your mouth too. So why not combine both?? Do you need to go? You can do that too!

YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CLICK HERE IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR TOTALLY UNRELATED PRODUCTS THAT SOMEONE GAVE US MONEY FOR SPONSORING.

Sorry, manual-Tourette’s.

So, without further ah-do, here goes:

5: Parc P.A.Q.#38

Source: Google Street View

We’ve never been there, but it’s pretty popular on Craigslist. There is probably trees there if you need to take a leak. It’s got a pretty kickass name too! It’s like a robot! LOL! #geek alert! Am I right? Big Bang Theory.

4: Lafountain Park

Source http://www.ordre-national.gouv.qc.ca/

We hate this fucking park. We seriously do. It’s filled with dirty hippies. Do you like juggling? Well, I’m no gynecologist, but I know a cunt when I see one — go there and choke on your patchouli sandwich, filthy anarchist. Leave the better parks to the adults that need to talk dollars and lists. Why does everyone go there?? Seriously. Carray-rooge is SOOOOver-rated. There’s NOWHERE to pee and that goddamn chalay is always flooded. Great place if you need to smell bad.

3: Ahuntsic Park

Source 123rf.com

Now, THERE’S a park we weren’t paid to announce! Seriously, it’s so easy to go there if you take the 171 and there’s MAD roads if you like to Walk Around In Shorts And Sandals And Act Like A Dick. Awesome spot if you need to piss. Plenty of trees for the mens and loads of corners for the lay-lays. Pretty cool if you’ve bought food from a place and need to eat it at some other place.

2: Daniel-Johnson Park

Source http://www.pedestrian.tv

Located in the far-East of MTL, it’s a great place if you need to take a leak, man or girl. Plenty of space to sit. The benches have nice seating capability, similar to Jean-Mance park, but without the all the annoyance.

1: Park Emilie Gamelin

Em-Gam-Gams is a GREAT park to hang out in. Most of our sync-assets Picnics happen there. If you see Rick, don’t look him in the eye and you DON’T know where Chad is. Gam-Gams is located the heart of the city so you know it’s good.

Five FREE Things To Do In MTL This Week

20 DEGREES CELCIOUS?! WOW! Thought winter was gonna last forever, didn’t you? Like this article if you agree.

As you know, we’re always aware of what’s going on in MTL! And since it’s the first real hot week in MTL and we’re all broke from binging all winter long, here are 5 FREE things you can do in MTL! Make sure to share this article on your Facebook wall or you will die in exactly one week from now!

5. Walk Around In Shorts And Sandals And Act Like A Dick

Source Lookastic

Walking around and acting like a dick is one of our favorite things, here at SoooMTL! To raise your dick-game, you NEED shorts and sandals and it’s the perfect week for that! Don’t forget to constantly keep that “I really don’t care” photoshoot-face at ALL times.

4. Force Bars That Haven’t Opened Their Terrasse To Put Out A Chair And Table For You, Sit And Order Nothing

Source Instagram

Is Vice & Versa full? How’s Saint-Slupice? Full? It’s okay, you can go on ANY unopened terrasse and complain to the employees that they haven’t oepened it yet. Who cares if it’s not THEIR decision?! DEMAND IT! Let them know their place. The customer is always right. If you want to make this 100% free, order nothing! Viola!

3. Sit In Lafountain Park And Catch A Rare Disease

Source http://www.nomadicsamuel.com

Now that all that is left from the snow is puddles of water and mud, why not go sit in Lafountain Park? No need to sit on a picnic sheet, sit directly in the puddle and let some rare water borne disease go right up in you! You’ll have a year worth of Facebook status updates! Free!

2. Sit At Jeanne-Talon Market And Do Nothing

Source UnanaMontreal

It’s a beautiful day and you know what that means! The Jean Talon Market is a great place to go and chill to people watch – lots of people are there to buy things, but that isn’t free! Instead, parkyour ass on the sidewalk and squint at the sun – a totally MTL activity.

1. Get An Internship At SoooMTL!

Spring means all of our staff returns home because you cannot stay in rez over the summer! Not only is getting an internship at SoooMTL free for you, but it’s also free for us! We offer lots of smoke breaks in our scenic parking lot, you will do all kinds of tasks including none of the ones you were hired to do AND you get to tell people you work here! Mass-rep!!

Bad News For People Who Live In Quebec Province

So it seems everything has been exploding into a shit-storm of horrible news, recently.

Starting with the attempts to have anti-Islam demonstrations in the streets of MTL last week, it keeps showing we’re heading back to the dark ages. Speaking of the dark ages, have you heard that anti-abortion laws are coming back? It seems all these efforts we’ve made as a society to progress were all in vain. It never really gets that better. Success is always bitter-sweet.

Are you mad at this? You’re feeling like you want to join the thousands of angry people that have been walking in protest in the past weeks? You should reconsider, because students are now getting shot smoke-grenades right to the jaw. It seems police brutality always surpasses itself. If you want to know what I think, it’ll take a few “accidental deaths” of protesters for people to wake up. But even with a situation so grim, reading comments about the topic on social networks makes you think there will always be people on the police-side of things. What will probably happen is that we’ll pervertedly stare at the pictures and videos for a few days until we hear about some super-star killing herself. You want to give people bad news? Then pummel them with a bunch of it. They’ll be so lost that all that will happen is a few Facebook statuses about it until total-confusion kicks into high-gear and forces them to denial.

LOL!!! Did you actually BELIEVE all that I just wrote!? Look at your calendar you uber-DOOFUS! Geez-loueez! Calm down! April Fools, you dum-dum! Chin up! Want some ACTUAL news!? Bar Brutus si now serving full-on artery-blocking pints of bacon juice!!! So much WIN!!!

Hey! Have a great one now, everything’s fine everywhere and I’m making TONS of money!

Source http://www.lolshirts.com

This Is What MTL DJs Would Look Like If They Were Trees

DJs are ALOT like trees. It’s a fact. But did you know that for each tree, there’s a DJ? Here are some of MTL‘s very own DJs if they were trees!

DJ Mary Hell

Source http://www.urbanfroufrou.com

Total cedar tree. Astounding! Can you even tell which is the tree and which is Mary Hell?

DJ Tommy Kruise

Source Torontogrillz

It’s all about the hair for this one. Weeping willow is TK!

DJ Mathieu Beauséjour

Source Camuz

EVERYBODY started screaming “CEDAR TREE!!!” as soon as we mentioned him… but, to be frank an Oak tree is what Mathieu Beauséjour looks like the most.

DJ Abeille

Source Pinterest

Who is this girl? In any case, she looks just like our great Canadian maple tree! Plus, her name means “bee”, bees love honey and maple syrup is sort of like honey, right?

DJ Annie Q

Source Annie’s Twitter

Do we really have to explain this one? Fine. Well, euc-A-lypitus, A-nnie. See it now? Perfect match.

DJ Cherry Cola

Source http://www.rave.ca

Scroll to the image. Scroll up. Scroll down. Scroll up. Scroll down. Scroll up. Scroll down. Point made.