Do you think you have seen the city? I am here to say that you have not. Not until you have seen these breathtaking pictures that showcase your beloved Montreal as it truly are: breathtaking.
Looking at a woman is so amazing, am I right? I’m so right. I know I am. It makes you want to say “WOW, I wish I could tap that thang!”. It’s even better when she looks like a professional full of success. As a beautiful, young and successful professional, I know many things about what kind of girl is best for you. If you are ugly though, you might not be their type… So, work hard at not being ugly and you might get a shot.
I’ve done some hardcore research you guys? And I found 5 Types Of Girls You Should Totally Admire And Want To Date
5. Thin Girls
Fat girls are fat and sometimes they smell? Very unprofessional? You should date a skinny or thin girl. They are MUCH better than the others and they’re smart enough to keep a good diet and not get fat.
4. Funny Girls
Ha-ha! That’s not how you’re supposed to ride a bike! She knows that, she is being funny? You didn’t think it was funny? Then you have no idea what is funny. Funny girls are funny because they are smart and they have success. Just look at Ilisa Shlesinger! She knows what she’s doing, she’s hot AND she’s the funniest comedian on the planet!
3. Russian Girls
Exotic girls know best. Russian girls are very exotic and wise? Most of the Russian girls you will meet at McGill grew up in Chomedey but don’t let that stop you. Chomedey culture is very exotic.
2. Blonde Girls
Do blondes actually have more fun? Oh yes they do. I feel like blondes don’t get enough credit for their awesomeness. Some guys will say that they prefer red heads or brunettes, but a girl with bright blonde hair will still make them double take. Think about it, you know so many classic beauties whose locks are the color of the sun: Taylor Swift, Candice Swanepoel, Giselle, etc. If you’re still not convinced, here are ten more reasons why blondes are the best:
1: Blogger Girls
Blogger girls are smart and successful. Some make make-up tootoorials, some make song covers and some talk for a very very long time and these girls are very smart and good looking. It makes them very successful because they work super hard at it. You should admire them, envy them and cry when they finally answer your comment. They are the best?
In MTL, we have hardcore-cyclists. It’s probably a fact. They even bike in Winter, sometimes. Crazy! Well, HCCyclists, rejoice: Montreal could maybe provide heated bike paths, in theory!
“Some cities simply flatten the snow, others want to see asphalt” discovered M. Van Neste on the web. Could this mean MTL could maybe have it’s very-own heated bike path? It could. Van Neste is a pretty official-sounding name, we think!
At SoooMTL, we hate to start rumors. That’s why we verified this info with a guy. He said “I still can’t believe my grandson is a journalist! I’m so proud of you, boy! Great work”.
CONFIRMED: MTL WIN!
Do you know a Jewish guy from Montreal? Us too. If so, these extremely true stereotypes might ring a bell for you.
- His name is Josh.
It’s true! His parents named him Josh or probably Joshua, but at the very least Josh.
2. He is from Côte-St-Luc.
It wouldn’t be racist to say that our friend Josh is from Côte-St-Luc, because he is.
3. He went to Concordia.
You know what they say about Josh, right? “Josh went to Concordia.” It’s funny, because it’s true. Like most stereotypes about our friend Josh.
4. He buys his jeans mostly at American Eagle and sometimes H&M.
One commonly held belief about Josh is that he prefers midrange jeans that he can buy pretty much in any mall. This may shock some, but it’s true. Those are the jeans that Josh’s prefers.
5. He likes bagels mostly of all kinds but his least preferred one is all-dressed.
He says that they give him heartburn. Typical Josh!
6. He enjoys to ride a bike.
It has been said that people like our friend Josh do not like to ride a bike, but in this case, the stereotype is actually a reverse stereotype: he does! (Please note that for legal purposes here is a picture of Josh Duhamel who is not our friend Josh but is also named Josh. None of the stereotypes applies to Josh Duhamel except the one about the bike.)
7. He likes the movie You, Me and Dupree all right but he does not own it on DVD.
Funny story: our new intern Alessandro has a friend also named Josh who LOVES the movie You, Me & Dupree and watches it a lot. He even quotes from it a lot! Alessandro was sure that our friend Josh was also possessive of this quality that afflicts all Joshies, but as it turns out, he does not! He has seen the film once or twice and remembers it fondly but that is not a stereotype that applies – or does it?
8. He gets his hair cut about once a month.
The rumor is true: Josh thinks about once a month is a decent amount of time to get the proper amount of haircut that makes his hair feel good.
If you’ve ever been in the Mile End, then you might have noticed that there is a variety of businesses there. People living in Mile End know that. Among these businesses is “Le Phillies Cheesesteak“.
For months now, people have been scratching their heads, standing in front of the building’s window: “What is it they’re selling? Why is it always empty?”. Today, everything changedmaybe. One of our interns, while she was riding her Bixi on the sidewalk and talking to us on her phone, noticed a customer inside the Phillies. She immediately stopped to observe. So what is Le Phillies Cheesesteak?
As the customer exited the Phillies, our unpaid intern started asking the important questions.
So what is this place? Is it a store?
“I don’t know.”
Did you buy food there? Do they make food?
“There was kind of a smell in there. It smelled–”
Could you describe that smell to us?
“What do you mean ‘us’?”
I’m sorry, I’m a journalist? This is an interview?
“No you’re not.”
A SECOND customer was spotted inside, but it ended up being someone on the TV hanging on the wall.
OMG! Is this going too far? Apparently some titties were in full display this weekend as some crazy-ass broads manifested for the right to flaunt their chesticles right in our faces!
What’s more! Pictures were taken and featured on a newspaper! SWEATER PUPPIES WERE FREE AND ROAMED WILDLY ON THIS WEEKEND DAY! What do you think? We at SoooMTL are very open minded to the idea of bitches runnin wild! You go, girls.
Hopefully this will lead to the next natural step of evolution, wherein the meninist movement are going to fight hard to be free to flaunt their rock hard boners in pubic!
After a whirlwind tour of the city whereupon he appeared on stage with Anna Kendrick Lamar at Osheaga and also replaced Action Bronson at Osheaga and did some standup comedy, the artist formally known as Mos Def but more currently known as yasiin bae has announced a new plan to become EVEN MORE MTL.
Sooo MTL has obtained EXCLUSIVE details upon the fact that the Brooklyn based rapper will actually PHYSICALLY BECOME Schwartz’s while he is staying in MTL. So head on over to 3895 Saint Laurent any time starting tomorrow to find not a building that houses a lot of smoked meat but instead 41-year-old rapper and actor Mos Def just standing there and epically being Schwartz’s.